Chapter IX (part 5 of 5)

Oct. 2.—“My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I might behold his glory. I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends, my dearest flock, my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. O that his kingdom might come in the world; that they might all love and glorify him for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer might ‘see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied!’ O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! Amen.”

Here ends his diary. These are the last words which are written in it, either by his own hand, or by any other from his mouth.

The next evening we very much expected his brother John from New-Jersey; it being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return, when he went away. Though our expectations were still disappointed, yet BRAINERD seemed to continued unmoved, in the same calm and peaceful frame which he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things here below.

On the morning of the next day, being Lord’s day, Oct. 4, as my daughter Jerusha, who chiefly attended him, came into the room, he looked on her very pleasantly, and said, “Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me?”—“I am quite willing to part with you: I am willing to part with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the best of any creature living: I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God. Though, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an happy eternity together!”[N] In the evening, as one came into the room with a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself thus: “O that dear book—that lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! The mysteries that are in it, and the mysteries of God’s providence, will be all unfolded!”

Footnote N:

In about four months, it pleased a holy and sovereign God to take away this my dear child by death, on the 14th of February, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit with BRAINERD. She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death; devoting herself to him with great delight, because she looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time he had much conversation with her on the things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he should meet her in heaven. She had manifested a heart uncommonly devoted to God; and said on her death-bed, that “she had seen no time for several years, when she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his glory.”

On Tuesday, Oct. 6, he lay for a considerable time as if he were dying; at which time he was heard to utter, in broken whispers, such expressions as these: “He will come, he will not tarry. I shall soon be in glory. I shall soon glorify God with the angels.”—But after some time he revived.

The next day, Wednesday, Oct. 7, his brother John arrived from New-Jersey; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness prevailing among the christian Indians, and by some other circumstances that made his stay with them necessary. BRAINERD was affected and refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and the souls of his people required it.

The next day, Thursday, Oct. 8, he was in great distress and agonies of body; and for the greater part of the day was much disordered as to the exercise of his reason. In the evening he was composed, and had the use of his reason; but the pain of his body continued and increased. He told me that it was impossible for any one to conceive of the distress he felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should dishonor God by impatience under his extreme agony; which was such, that he said the thought of enduring it one moment longer was almost insupportable. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts continually to God for him, that God would support him, and give him patience. He signified that he expected to die that night; but seemed to fear a longer delay; and the disposition of his mind with regard to death, appeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind. On that evening he had considerable discourse with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighboring ministers, concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry. Afterward, late in the night, he had much very proper and profitable discourse with his brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and the interest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night his bodily distress seemed to rise to a greater height than ever. Toward day his eyes became fixed; and he continued lying immovable till about six o’clock on Friday, Oct. 9, 1747, when his soul, as we may well conclude, was received by his dear Lord and Master into that state of perfection of holiness, and fruition of God, for which he had so often and so ardently longed; and was welcomed by the glorious assembly in the upper world, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blessed employ and enjoyment.

Much respect was shown to his memory at his funeral; which was on the Monday following, after a sermon preached on that solemn occasion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighboring ministers, and a great concourse of people.